Testimonial
by Tina and Dave Spangler

We joined UU a little over three years ago, about three months after moving to St. Pete.  

Dave grew up with a fairly strong Presbyterian background but lost interest in the church when he was in high school. Tina grew up in a fairly strong atheist environment and what some might say was a "gastronomical Jewish" background, but even that was fairly minimal. For the first 33 years of our marriage, we had little interest in or need for organized religion.  

Over the years, though, we found that we missed a sense of connectedness with others who might be like-minded. We missed the college days of feeling like there was a political and social connection, which, in turn, gave us not only a sense of belonging but also a sense of spirituality although we would not have used that term then. Living in the NY suburbs, while beautiful, left us somewhat isolated. So when we moved here, among our life goals was to find a sense of connection and a place where we could meet new people, join with others to discuss important issues, socialize and renew our sense of commitment to society and the world. We always had a sense we should be - and wanted to be doing more - but could never quite figure out where we fit. It seemed that most of the time when group action was taken for a social or political cause it was a church association that got the "credit." Frankly, when it came time to making donations, we never really had a place to give. Thus, our donations were scattered. They still are scattered among many different organizations but we feel that since joining UU we have a clearer focus, and therefore the greatest portion of our giving is allocated here.  

We are somewhat flattered that we were asked to speak today. Make no mistake, though, we are not and may never  be the most active members of this community nor the ones who pledge the most. We, like many of you, we imagine, feel a need to draw some boundaries and we tend to keep an "arm's length" away in order for it to be manageable. Our first year, we were asked to make a pledge and were uncomfortable at even the idea of committing money to a church. One of us can barely say the word without a bit of cringing. However, we did pledge a modest sum that year. In our minds it was a commitment to belonging somewhere.  

Last year we doubled our pledge and then added another 10% when asked so that the congregation could meet its goals and get the matching funds. We were beginning to realize how much we get out of our UU participation. First, we joined with a group of 8 or 9 others for what was called "Spiritual Journey" - this was meaningful to us since it very much met one of our key needs - connecting in a small group with others, talking about us in relationship to others and to the world and to one another. Second, Dave got involved with the baseball fundraising and met some great people, had fun, raised money and got to surround himself with the sights, sounds and smells of the ballpark. Maybe that will revive next year. One important sense of connection was gained when we decided to help with the clean up that Jeannie Powell organized last year before Manish's first visit. Our core group - Jeannie, Cheryl MacNeil, Betsy Filz and Reggie Craig - along with others who dropped in and helped throughout the day, accomplished a great deal in terms of cleaning, organizing, throwing away, and decorating. However, more important to us was the feeling that we were making a tangible contribution and even more than that, we felt involved and, once again, connected.   

Finally, our greatest sense of belonging occurred as a result of attending the service held in respect for Steve Stanton. What was so important to us here was to belong to, associate with and feel a sense of pride that our congregation was willing to take a stand, speak out and work hard to help. In short, this service and the prior and subsequent actions, provided for us something we have longed for - a place and a group of people we can count on to take action in support of important causes.  

Hence the reason we give: without proper funding, we realize we will not be able to reap the rewards of belonging. While it might be wonderful if we could all say that a church or any organization could function without money, we all know it does not work that way - not in any organization. Someone told us when we joined that people get from UU what they give to it - this is absolutely true.  Our  sense of responsibility tells us we can't expect to take things for granted and have them delivered to us on a silver platter.  To feed our collective spirit, we feel we need to contribute as much as we can afford relative to what we gain from this community.  

Several weeks ago, we were among the first to put in our pledge, matching the amount we had decided on for last year. Today we will be increasing our pledge for 2007-8 by 10% in recognition of the inspiration we have felt from being a part of this group and the work yet to be done to create social justice and a sense of tolerance in St. Pete. Please consider joining us in this increased level of commitment as we look to build UU St. Pete "up, up, and here to stay."

Opening Words

Hear ye, Hear ye,

The assembled congregation will now come to order.

All those who are gathered here and have business before The Lord - no, not Jesus, but myself - will have ample opportunity to come forward and be recognized.

Outbursts of any kind, including conga line dancing, are absolutely encouraged. If the urge to speak in tongues should arise, please know that we will, with due haste, assemble a committee to debate both the merits of speaking and not speaking.  Until such committee reaches consensus, we ask that you hold your tongue.  Should that prove difficult, we will identify someone to hold your tongue for you.

Please note that the Unitarian Universalist Church of St. Petersburg has a strict policy requiring all assembled to wear clothes.  If today's sermon moves you to rend your clothing or tear your hair, we will need to refer you to the nearest evangelical church.

With these words of gathering it is decreed that you will now enter a worshipful state of mind...you may now be reverent.

Let us rise to sing our opening hymn, and if for any reason you cannot sing in tune, we ask that you sing louder.  (That always seems to help.)

Disclaimer: No animals were harmed in the preparation or presentation of this worship service.

Reading  

"Lies To Get You Out of the House"
By  Michael Dare
Printed on March 25, 1998 in The L.A. Weekly  

None of this is my fault. At least not all my fault. There are plenty of others to blame. For instance, there's the Bhagwan [yes, the Bhagwan Sri Rajneesh] . . .  

[Except, that] it is [the spring of] 1985 and he isn't famous yet.  He [is still at his commune in Oregon]...[His collection of]...Rolls-Royces [hasn't been discovered yet], and [he has yet to be found out on immigration violations].  [All that comes later.] But [Rajneesh shares responsibility] for the Biggest April Fools' Joke Ever.  

If I had not [randomly] opened a book by him, turned to the first page and read the first paragraph, none of [what followed] would have [ever] happened. Here is what that first page said:  

Beyond the boundary of this room is the unbound, open sky. [Let's assume that you've] never seen it.  I can talk [to] you about the sky, about the freshness, about the sea, about all that is beyond this room, but you have not seen it. You do not know about it.  You just laugh; you think I am making it up. You say, "It is all fantastic. You are a dreamer."  I cannot convince you to go outside because everything I [am] talking about is meaningless to you.  

Then I say, "The house is on fire!"  This is meaningful to you; this is something that you can understand.  Now I do not have to give you any explanations.  I just run; you follow me.  The house is not on fire, but the moment you are outside you don't have to ask me why I lied.  The meaning is [readily apparent]; [you can see the beauty of the sky].  Now, you thank me.  

Any lie will do.  The lie was just a device; it was just a device to bring you outside.  It did not cause the outside to exist, [that reality was already there].  

Every religion [relies on such lies, ones that will bring you outside].  

I immediately dig the guy.  Here he is, right off the bat, admitting that he's lying to me.  I buy the book and never finish it, but I do end up carrying a phrase around in my head for days, like a hit song with a killer hook.  "Lies to get you out of the house."  I write it down at the top of a piece of paper, sure that something [important] will come [of it].  

It does.  I conceive of it as an article for The L.A. Weekly, where I am [a] regular [columnist].  

[I begin making up a list of] totally fantastic things, such as "Free Nude Ballet" in Echo Park or Spago, [the gourmet restaurant], selling pizza at $2 a slice — things that [could not] possibly be true.  [They are] blatant lies.  It is an ultimate piece of absurdist wish fulfillment, with the sole purpose of getting couch potatoes off their couches.  Also, it is precisely my sense of humor, and I think it might amuse my editor, the founder of The L.A. Weekly.  

The next idea is his, [not mine,] I swear to God.  All I did is show him the [article].  He laughed, looked at the calendar and said, "Let's run it on April Fools' Day."   See? [This wasn't] my idea, though at the time I wished I had thought of it.  

[The paper] ran the article full-page, [entitled] "A Weekend To Remember."  There was no hint that the items were lies unless you read [a] bold-faced reversed subheading, [which said,] "A guide to special events in L.A. on or about April 1."  

A lot of people didn't read that bold-faced subheading. [They] skipped [directly] to the items that interested them, without bothering to read anything else.  A lot of people went out to do things that aren't really happening.  Things that will make them sound [crazy] if they [actually] ask [others] about them.  

[For example,] "Excuse me, could you direct me to the free nude ballet starring all the women from Fantasy Island?"  

"Uh . . . sure, Bud.  It's right this way."  

Who would believe such nonsense? [Well, apparently the readers of The L.A. Weekly], that's who.  Lots of them.  Like the dozens who arrive for [a] "Car Swap." [The tag line in the paper said,] "Tired of your old [car]?  Just bring it to the parking lot at the Farmers Market this weekend and swap it for a shiny new 1985 American model of your choice."  [People did exactly that.]  Who doesn't want a new car, [after all]?  

Of course if Alice hadn't met Pete, she never would have [wound up stealing] that convertible.  He told her he was a [car] dealer, and that's why he had all those keys from hundreds of late-model cars, just like a hotel owner has master keys to the hotel's rooms.  She believed the lie about the car swap, so why wouldn't she believe him?  It makes perfect sense that she would take the new Mustang he just happened to have the keys to, in trade for her [old, worn-down Volks-Wagon] Beetle.  

That's why this story isn't about me, it's about them.  Perhaps you. The hundreds who trust, who believe, who don't [even] know it's April Fools'.  

[Another bullet said:]  

"[Join us in] painting the Beverly Center!" [A shopping mall in West Hollywood.]  

"Sure, [think many,] where are my spray cans?"  

There are two things Hermes can do faster than anyone else, run and paint.  It is a perfect combo for a graffiti artist.  His Holy Grail is the Beverly Center, which he considers to be a blight upon the [landscape].  What a [perfect] canvas, [he's been given].  

[The paper says] that "the entire building is being given over to the artistic community to do with it what they will.  Paint [will be] provided . . ."  He drives past the building on Friday night and dreams.  Who can blame him for making his dream come true the next day?  Who can blame the [police] for arresting him, then letting him go, [and] then arresting him again?  

The [gag about a] "Gourmet Food Fair" down the [middle] of Santa Monica Boulevard in Beverly Hills [was actually] such a good idea that [the restaurants there decided to do it several] years later. But it [didn't exist] on April Fools' Day of 1985, when [a] reader [drove] all the way in from the Valley to sample his first Spagos goat-cheese-and-alligator-sausage pizza for only $2 a slice.  [My paper] subsequently [published] his irate Letter to the Editor, with [our] apologies.  

As for those jerks who showed up at the L.A. County Museum of Art, it serves them right. Why would anyone show up to see a special, newly restored version of [the movie] A Star Is Born, in which the director has removed all the closeup [shots] of Barbra Streisand?  This [alleged] new director's cut "runs only 23 minutes" [in length].  But still they came.  Is this not clearly a joke?  [Or is it simply impossible that anyone could be making] a joke at Barbra Streisand's expense?  

I admit I [was] startled that someone believed me [about] it [being] "Punch Out a Head of State" Day at Disneyland.  Did I [really write] that the "Meet Mr. Lincoln" exhibit [at Disneyland] will feature the addition of [likenesses of] Reagan, Thatcher, Gorbachev, etc., and that "everyone in the audience will be allowed to wallop the national leader of his or her choice?"  You bet I did!  

So it's not surprising that Disney security throws Tito out of the park for knocking the animatronic Ronald Reagan's head off.  He does [however] discover a secret ride, one reserved for those getting thrown out.  Mickey's personal escort service takes you directly to your car.  Tito enjoys his prolonged tour of the parking lot.  

When I said [that] there is going to be "Free Health Care" at Cedars-Sinai hospital, it was just a lie to get you out of the house. When I said, "There [will be] no charge for anything from minor injuries to major surgery," it is clearly a promise that can't be fulfilled.  It's supposed to be funny.  But you didn't laugh, you believed me. You showed up, like the legions to Lourdes -- the poor, the destitute, desperate souls with no hope in [reality] of getting free health care at the biggest, most expensive hospital in [Los Angeles].  

I know I disappointed all you Tom Selleck fans when I said he was going to "perform at Chippendales." You must not have read the part that said it was "a special benefit for dull, nonpersonable [police officers]."  

They did give you your money back.  They did invite you back two weeks later when Tom Selleck actually [would] appear. [And] one of you [winds up marrying] him.  

And [then] I get my favorite phone call of all time.  I'm in the front office of the [newspaper] when the receptionist says, "It's for you," and asks me to pick up the phone.  

"Hello, is this Michael Dare?"  

"Yes," [I say.]  

"This is the LAPD. Why are we getting all these phone calls asking for free Italian shoes?"  

Did I forget to mention that one of the [bullets] stated that the LAPD had discovered an unclaimed cache of thousands of pairs of [designer] Italian shoes and would be giving them away?  I had forgotten all about [that one].  

And so I take a deep breath and say the one thing I haven't said all day, especially to a [police officer].  I say, "April Fools'"  

That [same] weekend, I [did] get [a long held] dream [of mine,] fulfilled in exchange for [all] this notoriety [and havoc].  I got to lie on my back in the sun at [what as advertised as] the "Love-In in Griffith Park."  [It actually takes place,] and occurs year after year [hence, as a new tradition].  I got to pretend it is the '60s.  Love beads and tie-dyes.  Clouds that look like things.  Not a care in the world, awake to all options, alive to the momentary depth of change that is always possible with just a little bit of trust.

Sermon

I must say that this question of whether religion encompass truth as well as lies is an intriguing one.  In fact, as I began writing today's sermon on that topic, and after getting several pages into it, found myself so bored that I just couldn't stand it.  How could I possibly show up on April Fools' Sunday, an opportunity that I won't have again for years, and talk about faith, and truth, and lies in religion?  We do things like that every other Sunday of the year.  So, instead I will tell you another fun joke...it's my favorite knock knock joke, so get ready to participate...  

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Impatient cow who?
MOO! (Before previous sentence is finished!)  

Our author from The L.A. Weekly notes the importance of just getting up and getting out the door.  Just do it!  "Get up off the couch!" he says.  He even conspires to create the most ridiculous April Fools' Day assertions possible, in an effort to get people out and about, and to his own surprise it works!  Getting out that door is the first step to meeting life and whatever it might hold.  So what got you out the door today?  Why did you come to worship this morning?  

Speaking for myself, I was looking to be entertained.  I was promised a lively, fun, and spontaneous worship experience  -- and so here we are!   

Actually, I was the one that promised a lively, fun, and spontaneous worship service...so here you are.  (I suppose that means I should get to work...)  

One of the things I've appreciated about our community, since my earliest encounters with you, is that we collectively understand that FUN, and light-heartedness, and joviality, are all part of being a whole human being, and therefore absolutely an appropriate part of our religious life together.  I can't begin to tell you how unusual it is for a religious community to truly and deeply understand that.  Our Office Manager, Peter, and I were working here together the other day, and he said to me, "You know, they would never do this April Fool's stuff in a Presbyterian church."  He was absolutely right, most would not.  Even many Unitarian Universalist churches wouldn't.  So I appreciate the fact that I'm spiritually leading a community where we can bring our whole selves to worship, even that part of ourselves that will always remain five years old and just thrilled at whatever random silliness comes our way.  

Good-natured pranks and jokes and the laughter that accompanies them are a natural part of life, we know this, but how did we wind up with a cultural holiday that everyone knows about, but also isn't really 'officially' recognized in any way?  Well, being the lover of history that I am, I decided to research all this.  The answer, it turns out, is that we have jesters to thank for this holiday!  

The concept of a jester has a long and time-honored history in the royal courts of England.  They were employed directly by the king or queen and were charged with bringing a light-hearted touch to the otherwise serious business of ruling a kingdom.  One of England's last and most famous court jesters wound up living in France, and this is where things began to get interesting.  Jesters became fashionable, or trendy, among the French royalty and were loved there even more than in England.  

A well known French jester by the name of Claude Bovon was so beloved by the French king, Louis the XVI, that the king decided that the court jester would, once a year, travel around and entertain the general populace.  Public feasts were held over the course of about a week, around the time of the spring equinox, tying it to folk beliefs about the balance of light and dark.  So, this court jester, Bovon, would travel to different parts of France and entertain people at public events.   

This practice quickly became a tradition that was enjoyed by everyone.  Children, in particular, viewed the appearance of the jester in town as an excuse to play pranks on one another.  Of course, eventually, the prank playing caught on with the adults, as well, and it started to become a broader cultural experience.  As French settlers came to the Americas, this memory of having a period of time in the spring devoted to merry-making came with them.  And, for reasons no one has been able to trace back, this holiday went from being a period of time celebrated shortly after the spring equinox, to becoming a folk tradition honored specifically on April 1st.  No one's sure why April 1st as opposed to any other date, but here we are.  

OK, time for another joke, this one's a Unitarian joke, courtesy of Garrison Keillor...  

Why did the Unitarian cross the road?  To support the chicken in its search for its own path.  

Back to our court jester, Claude Bovon.  Given his notoriety and his popularity in France, some of his goings-on were recorded along with the court history of Louis XVI, so we know a little bit about him and his jestering.  

Most famously, he was known for having stolen King Louis' crown and hidden it for several days.  When the king finally asked him, directly, if the royal crown was with him, he truthfully said that it was.  And he then said that he would've returned it sooner, but that no one had bothered asking him if he had it!  (I think he's lucky he didn't get guillotined!)  

The idea of a jester seems to me to be quite a fun one.  The practice of merry-making could even be considered a spiritual discipline - a way of staying in touch with the light-hearted side of life.  We get so bogged down in stress and anxiety, what might it look like to have a spiritual discipline that focuses on spontaneity and fun?  I have a UU colleague minister for whom -- you're not going to believe me, but it's true -- his spiritual discipline is magic.  He came to it later in life, and when I'm with him, I've watched him practice his various tricks.  There is something meditative about the repetition of action that occurs when he's practicing, the process of doing something over and over again in order to get it just right.  He performs his magic for his grandchildren; sometimes goes to their schools, at other times he puts on little magic shows at the public library.  It's really quite wonderful.  

I think there is something spiritual about bringing joy into someone else's life, whether it be through pranks or magic or...even sermons.  

You know, when I was preparing for the ministry, I was incredibly intimidated by the quality of Unitarian Universalist preachers.  Yes, there are some who we could do without.  But more so, I have found that our faith has some of the most amazing public speakers I've ever encountered.  Many of our preachers are just superb, world-class even.  For me, what makes our preaching superb is that many of our clergy are not only smart and emotionally-sensitive, but they're also entertaining!  They know how and when they can make their sermons appropriately light and playful.   

I was convinced while I was in seminary that I would never know how to do this.  I even lamented to one of my mentors that I didn't think I had a very good sense of humor.  I just wasn't as funny as other UU ministers.  She looked at me, and then said, "You do have a sense of humor - you're wry."  I have a wry sense of humor...?  I wasn't even sure what that meant.  I went and looked up the word, to get a better idea.  Wry...'A dry sense of humor with a touch of irony.'  Yea, I thought, I do have a naturally wry sense of humor.  That's the kind of humor I should then aspire to, I should just be myself!  This understanding is surprisingly very recent, just in the past few years.  I had never before thought about what my own sense of humor is like, I just admired everyone else's! 

And it still, Sunday after Sunday, amazes me, and humbles me, that many of you find the parts of my sermons that are intended to be funny, funny.  There's always an internal sigh of relief, but also this wonderful moment when I think, "Wow, I just made someone smile, or laugh!"  

What is your sense of humor like?  How would you describe it, if someone asked you?  Do you understand your sense of humor as a gift that you can share with others?  We are all capable of bringing smiles to one another's faces.  Light-hearted humor is one of those ways.  And I marvel at the brilliance of a culture that creates an entire holiday devoted to making one another smile!  Isn't that just brilliant?  

OK, time for another fun joke, it's another UU joke...  

Q: What do you get when you cross a Unitarian Universalist with a Jehovah's Witness?
A: Somebody who comes knocking at your door for no apparent reason.   

You are no doubt by now beginning to understand that my sense of humor is not just wry, but also incredibly goofy.  So, I must share my most favorite April Fool's Day prank EVER.  I was in first grade, and was studying with what was to become my most favorite elementary school teacher, Mrs. Burns.   On April 1st Mrs. Burns explained to us kids what April Fool's Day was about, that it was a day on which you play jokes.  No one else had explained this to me, so I was delighted by this whole concept!  But, being a young kid I had no idea what type of prank I could play.  Mrs. Burns had already thought of this, bless her!  She put the phone number for the Pittsburgh Zoo up on the blackboard, told us we could write it down, and then said when we got home we could give the number to our parents and tell them that they had a message to call somebody back, we could choose the name - something like Mr. Bear or Ms. Lyons.  Well, I chose Mr. Bear, and when I got home from school I ran to the phone and called my Mom at work.  I told her she had a work-related message to call this person, Mr. Bear, and I gave her the number.  With the nervous energy of a 5 or 6 year old, I waited as long as I possibly could, which was something like 5 or 10 minutes, and called my Mom back.  I asked her if she had a chance to call that person yet.  She said, "Not yet, but I will."  She also told me not to call her at work again that afternoon...so I waited until she got home, and then as subtly as a first grader can be, which isn't very subtle, I asked if she got to speak to Mr. Bear.  She smiled and said the operator at the zoo told her that Mr. Bear was very busy today, and couldn't take her call.  She also said that the zoo told her that Mr. Bear gets an unusually high number of calls on April 1st!  

I still love this prank, and, well, I don't really have any others, so I just use this one over and over again.  I used it recently at one of the churches I've previously served.  I looked up the phone number for the local zoo and left little message slips in the boxes of everyone on staffing saying that a Mr. Bear needed to speak with them urgently.  I left the Director of Religious Education a note saying that Mr. Bear wanted to enroll his kids in Sunday School.  I left the Office Manager a note saying that Mr. Bear wanted to find out how to become a member of the church.  Please call!  I don't know how much anyone else appreciated the joke, but I thought it was hilarious!  I was in stitches for days!  

And imagine a younger Manish, exactly ten years ago this April Fools', working as a public servant at the U.S. Embassy in Helsinki, Finland.  Now the word in Finnish for bear is 'karhu,' so I ran around all day leaving messages in the boxes of my superiors saying that they needed to call Mr. Karhu of course giving them the number for the Helsinki Zoo.  The Americans on staff all got the joke, of course.  But I had a Finnish employee working for me, a very earnest woman - Finns are very earnest and very meticulous in their work.  She came to my office and said she called up the zoo and they could find a Mr. Karhu on staff.  She asked if I might have gotten the phone number wrong, and if there was another number I wanted her to try.  I had to sit her down and explain this whole April 1st thing to her...  

(Well, you see, I can't use my one and only prank here in St. Petersburg now, because I've given it away!)  

On this day devoted to frivolous fun, I hope that you will have exactly that kind of day, one full of silliness!  And, who knows, if you're clever enough with your pranks, you, too, might get recorded in history -- just like our fictitious French jester and the fictitious origins of today's holiday.   

Have I had a chance yet to say, "April Fools'!"